8.12.09

-Why must we serve?-

It’s been 2 months or so since I stepped into one of the open prisons (army camps) - as expressed by many. The place which grants you free access in and out (physically) but bound you in by enforcing a specific set of laws; keeping one behind the gates. The very meaning of this ‘service’ has been lost in the midst of all the discontentment people hold towards the system. Where does the problem lie?
What seemed like an eternity just a few months back has became a flash before the eye in retrospect. It was a journey worth taking for sure. Most would not agree with this statement I made. Many would challenge this very notion and dismiss it as they pass. How so does one then see purpose in those two faithful years without feeling animosity who clasp tightly onto the heel of discontentment?
I started this journey just like anyone, feeling the pain of losing freedom, rights and privacy. It was hard to imagine surviving with 12 other man in the same compound, facing one another for 24 hours a day. The adjustment from civilian to BMT recruit was thus far the most challenging adjustment I had to face in life. Apart from that, each member of this community had to take up certain roles in up-keeping the cleanliness and functionality of the company. I had the infamous ‘boot-washing area’. Commonly used for washing boots and footwear to rinse off any form of dirt trapped in any possible area of the footwear, the boot washing area’s drainage is perpetually choked with dirt. Imagine that and cleaning it every single day in your BMT life. That’s National Service.
Things got slightly better as time went by and as a trainee in Officer Cadet School (OCS), I was constantly picking up new things/skills on the very steep and uphill learning curve. Fun as it was, physical fatigue started taking a toll on my body. I then sustained a leg injury (severe shin splints – for those who are familiar) which led to me being put Out Of Course (OOC). Things changed then.
It has always been a dream for me to be an officer and being OOC just brought me one step further from the distant goal (at that point of time). It was a humbling experience for me. Sadness – the one emotion I felt starting from that day onwards. Not knowing whether I was able to ever fulfill my dreams of becoming the officer I dreamt of, I started thinking. I started seeing things differently. Surely I was bitter and hating the system but after all the self-indulgent pity and inward ranting, I thought. I thought, if not an officer, what then was my role in the abstract idea of National Defence? What is my purpose in NS? How can I serve this 2-year with purpose even as I acknowledge the impossibility in realizing the dream? It took me awhile before I realized that in each role, appointment, rank & file of national service, we have our importance to the organization. Some more than the others, but all important.
Not long after, I returned into the ranks & file of the Officer Cadet Corps and eventually commissioned. Bearing in mind the days I was OOC, I kept my head held high and mind clear. Acknowledging that each and every person in national service has their importance, I served the rest of my term as a Platoon Commander of a special group of people.
My guys (I still fondly refer to them as that) have special needs. Most needed things money could not buy. Attention, care, concern, a friend, a listening ear, direction, encouragement and so on. I tried to give them as much of these that they needed. They were good guys (most of them), many with backgrounds I’ve come to believe that is the recipe for failure. If you got to know my guys, you would understand why people run away from National Service. Not because of their personal dislike of the organization but for a more noble and selfless reasons. Anyone put in their shoes, ANYONE, would do the exact same thing they did.
I felt the need then to help my guys. Be it finding financial funding, counseling, provide direction or guidance, be the big brother (most of them are older than I am) to them or even simply listening to them, I was there. This was my purpose in NS. NS is not a waste of time. I found my purpose and will not forget what I served for. What about you? What then is your purpose in NS?

| written @ 2:07 PM|

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16.3.09

-Take the shot dude..Take it!-

Picture yourself standing at the free-throw line and all the potential in your hands. You got 2 choices at this moment. Take the shot and see what the possibilites of getting it in or not. The other would be to hold on to it and not take the shot. Forgoing all possibilites of it getting in and focusing on the fact that it just may not get it. Hanging on to that potential which slowly loses all possible momentum of time and the possibility of it going in gets lesser and lesser as your perception on it not getting in gets stronger and stronger.

Then comes a time when you're determined that you can't possibly get it in. This is the time when you put the ball down, step away from the line and not take the shot. Not knowing how the outcome would be when the ball leaves your hand, you decided the ending with solely your own conception and perception on how it would be like. You just gave up. The ball never left. You didn't take the chance. You didn't take the shot. You didn't know. You just thought about it. You let it slip by.

Looking back, would you have taken a different approach? How different would it be? Would it have gone in? What would have actually happened if it did or did not go in?

"People, you'd miss 100% of the shots you don't take. There's a 50% chance it would not have gotten in but a 100% if you didn't take it. What's your call?"

| written @ 1:44 PM|

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14.1.09

-Jibber Jabber-

| written @ 11:29 PM|

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7.9.08

-Just another day of life.-

Hi world(or whoever who's reading)! It's been quite awhile since I've had the time to sit down to blog about anything. Weird as it seems but I had a certain urge to blog on something out of the sudden. The funny part is that I have totally no idea what that is. HAHA!
With that, I guess I'll just do what the world does - blog trash! :) Let me start saying that I'm fine, life has been fairly pleasant sailing. Not much has changed about me and my life. Army has been okay i suppose. Nothing to it actually. Well, not exactly nothing but yeah, it ain't important.
I think those who know me would know that there has been this one thing I've been struggling with for the longest time already. It hasn't changed yet, sadly. I'm still in a constant struggle to get out of that pattern. Really tough. I'll get out of it eventually I hope. Otherwise, I'll be condemned for life. Other than that, I suppose life has been pretty kind to me. I guess what I've blogged about would qualify as trash and I'll end off here then. Till the next time. Ciaoz!

| written @ 12:10 AM|

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5.4.08

-It's me. Isn't it?-

I guessed it's my fault. I really do. Have you felt unappreciated? uncared for? or just simply unnoticed by your friends? Have you? Well, if you have, you can stop reading from this point on. Why? Simply because you have friends. For me, I don't. I really don't. Didn't think it's possible. But it just happened. Out of no where, like a gust of wind, all my friends were blown away.
Always thought i was kinda good with this 'friend' thing and having made like millions of them all over, I now realized that I'm alone. Knowing many people does not equate to having loads of friends. Thinking back, I think I never did made any friends. Alright, ONE. That's It. The person knows exactly who that is. Friends, if you think your really know me, think again. If you never thought i would think about our friendship in this manner, think again. So people reading, do you know who your friends are? Are you sure? Or do you just know their names, where they stay, what they like, who they like and all the little things that make just no sense? Think. Just think. Maybe you're like me. Maybe you're just alone. Maybe you just know people. Maybe you just have no friends. Maybe. Could be. Should be. Must be.

| written @ 10:14 PM|

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